I'll - leads to words of mine. "I" means myself as an individual, I am important, thus I is capitalised.
Love - leads to posts. "Love" in actual fact is just a word, it does not exist in RL =x.
you - leads to links. *YOU* have appeared in my life =)
Forever - leads to tagboard. What really is 'forever'?
Promises - leads to my profile. "Promises" exist to be cherished and believed.
Monday, October 31, 2005
din blog last nite.. but.. i cheong 17 full hours of maple >.<>.> i think i would be better off at yetis.. hunting spartas..
miss SH alot.. i think i dun need to blog abt this anymore.. i got the thinking now.. blogging too much abt her.. will be quite irritating.. so i guess i wont blog much abt her anymore.. I will always miss her =)
i decided le for MS, morning cheong xp.. evening cheong drops.. i might be able to work off Maple.. sell items sell mesos =D
sigh.. i see everyone.. battling what i want to battle most! O lvls~!! =( im inferior.. good luck all for ur Os..
2:34 PM...i'm thinkin' of you
Sunday, October 30, 2005
today i went ang mo kio.. collected my spects.. weet =D look quite cool neh ;) frameless..
i recall 2 sentences.. "ni hui wei wo gai bian mah?" "wu lun wo zuo chuo se mo, ni hui yuang liang wo mah?"
haha.. i asked someone that before..
just now played GB with SH again.. wakaka.. i controlling my stress le.. very soon will be the LordLoveless..
tomorrow gonna moderate an event =D on MS.. cool erh?
Jay Chou's new songs.. i got 5 le.. whoever wants.. tell me..
Friends all busy mugging for Os.. i dun have that chance =(
pondering.. if she and me still together.. perhaps i wouldnt have slept at 6 ytd..>.<
1:01 AM...i'm thinkin' of you
Saturday, October 29, 2005
just now play MS till 6++, den father wake up kb me.. zz
sheok.. MS got new sparta.. better than my old one..
well.. anyway i went to bed.. angry.. but my dreams.. >.<
i had sweet dreams.. today i hope dreams are just dreams.. not opposite or related to reality le..
cause well.. i dreamt of Si Hwee.. i dreamt that she added me back on MSN.. i also dreamt that.. we two became close again.. she let me explain to her.. and we had a very sweet conversations.. like steads liddat T_T
i really miss Sihwee.. i really reject other girls.. im so sure that i only want SH..
i rmb Ying Xin told me before.. : remember what u said today and how strongly u feel about it, never to regret in future le..
i regret shouting.. well its shouting >.< not said.. ITS REALLY OSTENSIBLE.. i had my own reason.. no one can guess de..
i only very sure that i really love Si hwee..
btw guys i got Ye Qu lyrics, MV, original song.. msg me on MSN for it..
6:13 PM...i'm thinkin' of you
Friday, October 28, 2005
woke up today.. upset again.. but i was very hopeful today..
i smsed her.. telling her not to forget me..
after that I logged into GB.. she was playing..
played with her for a while.. she comfirmed to me.. that she dun want me to bother her anymore..
I'm really upset.. shld i just let her go? how can i bear to do that? I'm very sure that she doesnt love me anymore.. not even abit.. I was also very childish earlier.. i just cant be myself.. playing GB with her.. really very stress.. because I want to win.. I want to impress..
I really dunno what to do leh.. I really love her alot.. I'm feeling abit ill.. hope I really contracted dengue fever.. she said I was boliao.. i just want to see if she will care for me if i really contract Dengue..
she and i are people from 2 different worlds.. she has cooled down le.. but she still hates me.. i can sense her hatred.. i dun even think i have the chance to explain.. but how can i give up? MUST CONTINUE TO WAIT ON!
im useless.. sorta feel like dying.. i want to love her till the end of this life.. and start again with her in other incarnations.. hopefully the ending is happier..
4:27 PM...i'm thinkin' of you
Thursday, October 27, 2005
I today realised so many things..
the truth for the first quarrel between Si Hwee and me, which led to such a stage.. MY FAULT! OMG
I keep having nightmares.. Yesterday I dreamt that I lived forever, bearing the pain within me for eternity. Today, I dreamt that Si Hwee finally gave me a chance to explain myself, but she stabbed my heart with a sharp knife. She just looked away and said "I will never forgive you"
somehow I don't know why.. whenever I blog about SH.. I can't get the mood to write about other stuffs.
I am considering taking up A Maths.. I am considering my future life, but I need Si Hwee.. cause I feel more comfortable asking her about these..
When will I mature? When will I grow up ? zz Today school maths Test.. CMI.. i dunno how to do zz.. I keep sleeping and having nightmares.. I also feel more pain from my regrets.. I'm so afraid Si Hwee won't forgive me..
Why did I hurt the girl who I love, and loves me? its not "loved me" >.< she must still love me.. she cant hurt me.. zz stubborn and childish me again..
but I really feel very lonely without her.. She is the girl I love most.. i can't let go like this..
6:25 PM...i'm thinkin' of you
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
right now.. upset..
mood : down
emotions : empty
i miss Si hwee!! i must hold on.. but at least i know.. she knows my feelings deep down.. i know she hate me.. but i cant give up..
today physics class.. i dun really understand zz.. spend alot of time in school, sleeping.. i need to catch up on my work! i realise now.. that im quite dependent on her.. somethings which is regard to my future.. i still dunno what to choose.. really need her by me after her Os..
yet to exercise today.. yet to write the letter.. im afraid to send it too..
now shld i sms Si Hwee to tell her good night and good luck? T_T
now.. almost everyone knows my identity.. i have the feeling that i just lost alot of friends.. hope they can accept my apology.. i dun wish to lose friends like them.. even though we never were friends.. i like people like them..
why am i in this lousy sch!??! gotta write letter to principal.. my sch sux!!
people destroy sch reputation.. only 1 stroke of cane? WDF
9:51 PM...i'm thinkin' of you
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
I know im not wanted by SH anymore.. must this truth really hurt me so much? why am I being tortured once more? right after I regained my mood? WHY!?!?!?!?!
All my friends are telling me.. It's very hard for Si Hwee to forgive me. WHY DON'T THEY TELL ME STRAIGHT THAT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!? I am really remorseful. My heart and my head hurt.. I don't want to think about it anymore.
Si Hwee why do this? we both know, if we really want to be together forever, we must overcome this. We will love each other more, if only you are willing to give me a second chance. I know where my mistake lies.
Today, a first person rejected my apology. I was too confident, my heart really bleeds.
Why am I not given a second chance..? I only want to make up for my mistakes. Si Hwee, I am waiting for end of Os, when I, in all my dreams and wishes, see us talking to each other in peace. Can you really let me go like this? zzz really pls let me explain.. Too many guys in ur life, including me, have hurt you. I really didn't mean it. I just hope to explain to you when you have cooled down, I promise you a satisfactory explanation. Don't tell me that I don't need to explain anything to you, it will hurt me more.
It was a very good day, I finally realised who was the true friend by me. Upon reaching home, this bare truth had to appear in front of me.
den i tink u shld leave us all alone..
esp si hwee
so if she doesn wan to hav ath gt to do wth u animre
den u shld juz leav her alone
is there really no more chance between us? I just want to be the guy who loves you most..
7:27 PM...i'm thinkin' of you
I knew Fate wouldn't appear like this.
* none *
-Profile-
~Mervyn~
25/05/89
firerain2o01@hotmail.com
Friendster
I wish things will go my way..
I wish for a better tomorrow!
I wish for peace.