I'll - leads to words of mine. "I" means myself as an individual, I am important, thus I is capitalised.
Love - leads to posts. "Love" in actual fact is just a word, it does not exist in RL =x.
you - leads to links. *YOU* have appeared in my life =)
Forever - leads to tagboard. What really is 'forever'?
Promises - leads to my profile. "Promises" exist to be cherished and believed.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
this post was supposed to be dedicated to Jie Ying =) but.. haha sry =x
Jie Ying.. thanks.. enjoyed the chat on phone with you la =) seriously.. you are a very nice friend.. stood by me when i was most upset.. never complained though i kept repeating abt SH..
after that i went out with Leroy.. =) lolx.. btw Happy Birthday.. 23rd November =) yea ^^v
just now.. i dropped $30 at escalator.. heng is i realised early.. i walked back.. i saw someone taking.. that I just said it was my money.. i saw the guy.. he take until very happy -.-" abit disappointing for him.. hahax.. what comes to his hands.. he have to let go..
then went to MRT.. i top up EZ link card.. i admit i was rude.. that guy counting money.. i kept calling him.. but that furker.. he more rude lor.. he say "4 eyes still never see ar?" kanina.. if i really dulan.. i write to the company.. i see he how.. zz
yupx.. took the train to city hall.. then change to bugis.. wahaha.. i did enjoy myself.. dunno how many yrs never go there le.. we went to Sim Lim la.. but most shops close le.. Leroy cant get his modem.. his modem blew =x wakaka.. right now im thinking.. perhaps.. i could have gone with SH to get a modem also..
=D went walk walk around Bugis.. not bad leh.. seen the place and freshen memory again.. but yea.. thought abt SH when i saw the fountain niax.. it reminded me of a place which i planned to bring her to.. never tell Leroy all these.. my friends dun lyk me to talk abt SH to them XD! i kept wondering if i will see SH and her bf.. Bugis has alot of ppl de mah.. just wondered what would happen if i see her.. FOR SURE 100%.. there will be a pain in my heart..
after that ar.. walked till sian liaox..we go back lor.. the train from bugis to city hall.. when the door closing.. got one girl.. almost dio squashed by the doors.. but never.. she moved back.. if she din move back.. i guess it will be the first time i see ppl die zz.. she did get squashed la.. but gd thing that door not strong.. im refering to the MRT station door.. not the train door.. imagine i watch her dio squash.. the blood ooze.. and splatter on the clear plastic windows !
haha.. her friends.. 2 of them got onto the train la.. and i think.. i exclaimed "ouch".. they did look at me.. wakakaz.. probably thought i was some lunatic or something.. but the sight really not nice mah.. see ppl dio squash like this.. we got off the train at city hall.. then Leroy walk to one corner.. i told him the girls quite cute la.. wasted to like this let them go.. i approached one of them for number.. BRAVE RIGHT!!? I SAID BRAVE RIGHT!? YES MERVYN VERY BRAVE NOW.. ever since i shouted at SH that day.. it crossed my mind.. if i dun do it.. i sure regret abt it.. lolx.. but i din get her number la.. not that she dun want give.. i dun want to take -.-" reason? well.. she said.. erh.. i from Malaysia.. u want call malaysia meh? den i said.. ah nvm.. ty.. i walked away LOL.. but hey!! MERVYN BRAVE LEH!
after that i went home as usual.. used inside the room de comp.. Jie Ying was playing MS.. wahaha.. Jie Ying become my beri beri gd friend niax.. i dun want to lose her lor.. shes a very nice friend.. ^^v
then there was Ying Xin.. had a chat with Ying Xin la.. i think we talked more than we ever did together lols.. <<>WANT the person, or how much u dun wanna LOSE the person..? my answer is.. how much u want.. because it means u know for sure u are able to give the person happiness..
Ying Xin's answer is how much u dun wanna lose.. cause.. her reason is.. u wont do anything the other party dun want to.. i dun get it also -.-"
haha dunno la.. but Ying Xin.. the things she say.. at first i really dun lyk.. its different from my personal point of view.. different from what i experienced.. and she say until i like small kid =x opps~! nvm im safe.. Ying Xin dun read my blog one ^^ but after that.. the things she say.. i do agree la..
Yea~! i must hunt blood snowboards!!! One for Leroy, One for Alex, One for Ying Xin, One for Jie Ying.. and perhaps one for SH?? dunno if i shld even bother.. hopefully i get to hunt one for myself.. i oso want sell de leh.. i really no mesos now lor..
Thought through many things today la.. my "dear dear".. even though play play de.. but i still cant bring myself to tell her "i love you".. cant bring myself to call her 'xiaozhu'.. no one can replace xiaozhu de.. and one more thing.. 'xiao sha dear'.. this one is definitely only for SH.. Ying Xin might be right la.. when i find one who i truly loves and love me more.. i will be thankful for heaven making me lose SH.. i dunno how to let go of the promises i made for her.. but i never was the unfaithful type.. i also think.. my pet is xiaozhuz.. SH pet is xiaozhux, when Cargo pet comes out.. SH sure will buy it.. and what will she name it? her xiaozhux will be a no more.. and then.. yea.. i will be replaced again.. SH is not very matured also leh.. i also wonder.. tomorrow she go sch get PA.. what will her bf be doing? its the first time after they stead, that SH gotta go to sch.. will he be waiting for her like i did? will SH remember the times i waited for her? ~>.<~ my commitment to SH.. how ar?? she broke her promise to me, without a blink of her eye.. am i supposed to fulfill it faithfully? i doubt so.. if i break it totally.. it will mean that i din mean to make this commitment.. and it will seem that.. i was just sweet-talking SH at that time.. my 1 yr-commitment only 11 more months leh xD.. i think.. well.. i will get a stead bah.. but probably.. or indefinitely.. just a maybe ar.. i will go back to SH if she ever requests.. means i will break off with my stead.. of coz i must make things clear to my stead that i have a 1 yr commitment to fulfill.. before i ask her to stead, of course.. i did imagine.. me breaking off with my stead after i loved her alot.. and back to SH.. and me living in misery.. i think in such a case.. i will still have to make SH happy.. its my promise mah.. promises are really heavy :S lol.. and can anyone imagine a 19 yr old girl with a 16 yr old guy? i got fantasize.. me and Peggy =x wahaha.. HEY FANTASIZE ONLY.. just being honest.. but regarding my true feelings towards her.. i dunno leh.. i dunno how much i like her la.. im just scared she dun lyk me =P yea Peggy is a nice girl.. attractive.. clever.. =D and very interesting.. who actually realises that.. ppl i get attracted to, knows SH de.. =x i really want an understanding gf mah.. one that can tolerate when i mention SH occasionally.. of coz im not gonna be a dumb fark and talk abt SH all the time la.. actually i think yea.. i got over SH quite alot le.. felt very cheated la.. promises are meant to be honoured.. people who say they are meant to be broken, sry, but u are pessimistic.. dun talk to me abt reality.. reality only one.. thats ur insight abt how u see things.. its ur own reality.. reality is harsh only if u see things harshly.. "sai weng shi ma, yan zhi fei fu" xD wakaka.. blog started at 1:26, now its 3:38 le.. just now i went to play Shattered Galaxy niax.. a game i almost never played since i knew SH till now.. probably still my fav game? lala.. btw did i mention that.. in the afternoon i called SH's house.. looked for her bro.. SH was on the line.. and i said "hello may i speak to De Fu pls?" perhaps.. the way i ask for a person.. is too standard la.. when De Fu talked to me.. SH knew it was me.. and she hung up.. very mean of her.. these nights.. every night the moral of my dream is the same.. wishing that you will say sorry to me.. wishing that you will apologise.. wishing that u never had a stead.. u were just leading me on.. lol.. SH is unwilling to sacrifice for me.. as Ying Xin said.. yea i believe that.. also thought abt many other things.. Prom Night.. how will she be? how will she dress? all this are questions i know i wont get answers.. also dunno if she got a date for then.. lol..
knowing Ying Xin, Peggy and Jie Ying.. i very happy le.. addition of my brothers.. make me happier.. all these people are better than one SH.. i sincerely mean it.. Mervyn's happy life is coming back =) .. time now : 3:43 =x
1:26 AM...i'm thinkin' of you
I knew Fate wouldn't appear like this.
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~Mervyn~
25/05/89
firerain2o01@hotmail.com
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I wish things will go my way..
I wish for a better tomorrow!
I wish for peace.