Thursday, June 01, 2006
on my birthday.. i read through my blog again.. the opening of the blog, has many matters related to Si Hwee.. once again she is in my mind.. 30th May.. i cried out.. i couldnt control my tears.. i just wanted to cry. sheok.. long time never cry the way i did yesterday.
i've let Si Hwee down.. it was my fault.. i was way too immature, and "that failed experiment, was cruel to be carried out on Si Hwee".. right now.. my heart is locked up in Admiralty.. i really must visit that place this friday.. maybe i'll get to see her too..
ok back to reality and the present.. as i've said.. i cried. that probably shows that these few days.. im really really upset.. when someone is no longer sweet to you.. that person might not realise.. but the difference the receiver feels, is difficult to explain with words.. i dont want to rack my brains thinking of the right words to fit in anyway.
i've fallen in deep love again.. unable to pull myself out. i dont know what to say regarding that.. im really really stressed out these days..
Teacher, Father, Mother, Sister, Maple, Future, The Great Dillema, SoonTian, and maybe even Wen?
Teacher : wishes me to quit maple.
Father : wants me to stop playing comp.. __ i dont want to start my studies in JUNE!! __
Mother : wants me to save more $.. i really cant.. not for these 2 months..
Sister : HEY FUCK U, get a life can? stop comparing urself with me and stop giving me ur assesment test papers.
Maple : My lvl 120?? i've not levelled for close to 2 weeks.
The Great Dillema : i cant elaborate on this.. this is the greatest problem of my life.. both choices i make will result into lifetime regret.. i wish i can have both..
SoonTian : gotta return him 20m mesos by 2nd June, which theorically, is tomorrow.
Wen : .... perhaps i only have dots to say? Wen, if you are reading this, i hope you trust me too, and do not misunderstand my tone. i will never give u a harsh tone.. i have been upset these few days.. a pity you still dont know what caused my misery, or perhaps have not even noticed me being sad.. thanks har for the 'birthday gift' u gave me.....
now im sure everyone can see how stressed i am.. if not for Wen, and not for the mesos i owe Alex and SoonTian.. i already jump and suicide le.
i also cant remember what i wanna blog. im really unhappy now..
1:09 AM...i'm thinkin' of you
----------------