I'll - leads to words of mine. "I" means myself as an individual, I am important, thus I is capitalised.
Love - leads to posts. "Love" in actual fact is just a word, it does not exist in RL =x.
you - leads to links. *YOU* have appeared in my life =)
Forever - leads to tagboard. What really is 'forever'?
Promises - leads to my profile. "Promises" exist to be cherished and believed.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
wdf la.. my whole mood is ruined now.. its not i want to blog about this.. i wanted to blog about something else the whole day.. my mood really is ruined now..
of course i cant track who views my blog anymore.. im changing skin this sat.. and another thing is.. tagboard will be up too.. oh.. my pt is.. my this blog all along.. like always.. is meant for my personal reference in future.. so yea.. i wont lie to my blog.. unless i make it obvious.. like the bold and huge words the previous post, that XS admitted Wen hacked my acnt.
im fcking pissed la.. everyone thinking im a liar now.. wdf.. its not fair to me at all.. all along what have i been? a simple-minded boy? almost everyone could guess my thoughts.. they could read my mind.. now.. a dozen or so are claming that im a big liar.. lies about a certain individual, and lies that are manipulative..
i really dunno leh.. today my life in school was terrible.. my heart ached very badly.. i could pay attention in class now.. i no longer sleep in class.. but at times when i think of.. someone.. my heart really aches.. and i freeze.. its my fault.. the feeling i have now, is like another breakup.. because its a demise of someone very dear to me. i brought it on myself de..
i really cannot take the pain. i dun dare get a relationship le.. together for a while.. but the times of misery is far longer than the time of togetherness.. me and uenx nh in school, getting to be looking much more pleasant.. but i dun wanna make another move.. i dun dare.. now i dun even know whether i and YuMin still possible anot.. i really really really dun dare..
i know for sure Wen won't read my blog anymore.. its a good thing.. because i can blog about what i want.. i won't badmouth her though.. because it isnt her fault.. in case friends of Wen's still read my blog, pls do not ask her to read.
really pissed with Kendrick today. he's doing it on purpose.. he trying to get Wen and me to have new quarrels, for her to misunderstand me again.. she and me totally cleared le.. why would i still talk bad about her..? i really feel Kendrick is kind of dumb.. serious.. because why? he felt i was talking bad abt her when im telling Alex about her that special and unique Wen, which is not in standard chinese dictionary.. i found out today that its from KangXi dictionary.. KangXi the emperor.. having a wide collection of chinese words. even some of my chinese teachers have never seen that Wen.
Wen, as in Wen Jing.. written as a girl's name.. thus.. the nu zi pang.
and hey.. im right.. check out my 3rd June post.. cant rmb which day.. the day i got home after leaving home. girls will not listen to what people say about her lover. isnt it true? LoL.. RK, over a girl, can forget a friendship which lasted more than 5 yrs.
and darn kendrick.. small things like this and he think im talking bad abt her.. i was talking abt Shina just now.. that moron on purpose.. said things i never did on MS buddylist.. really on purpose.. wanting Wen to read.. and wanting her to hate me again.. fcuking hypocritical.
i never said those things he claimed.. that's one.. secondly, i did say something else. but is he keep asking one.. and i did thought it was true.. ok.. its my fault. but this guy doing on purpose. i thought he was a very nice guy too.. im so wrong.. i wish that i can get my old life back.. i dun like this hypocritical life.. let alone people calling me a liar.. fck the dumb brains.
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what im gonna write now is pretty private.. its nothing.. really.. i wouldnt really want people to read anyway.. but u can if u want.. but if u and me not close de.. u most likely will think its my plot or lie to gain sympathy... and __ to those people.
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Wen, we still must drink vodkaa together.. we still must watch movie..
we had those promises..
Wen is a real nice girl. thats why i dun wanna fall in love.. i wanna wait for her.. the best way is to avoid girls. i did do that.. but it worked for 1 or 2 months only.. that's shaving my head after breaking with YuMin.
Wen told me these.. i won't forget.. but im afraid i will forget.. that's why i wanna write it on this blog.
she told me:
not to pon sch.. will get addicted.
not to eat at the comp.. im still eating at the comp.. i stopped eating since shina called me a liar till now.. almost 1 hr maybe?
be more considerate to people around me.. not to think of myself only.
she also told me to learn to keep my promises of course..
Wen has highlighted many mistakes of mine:
don't do things that hurt people, and say sorry sorry sorry.
don't everything say 'i know.. i know'.. i shldnt have this 'im-always-right' attitude..
she says im bhb.. maybe?
she says my words are not seen in my actions.. actually i would have rebuked on this.. im a busy person.. i have alot on my mind.. not all my promises can be remembered.. i cant rmb what i said ytd either. i seek understanding.. reminding me will hurt meh?
she told me to learn to cherish.. i did cherish her.. if not.. last year why i gave a speech on Cherish? maybe i ought to have it written here..
there was one paragraph in my speech, which was entitled 'Cherish what you have, it may be gone before you know it!".
In life, there are many things we can cherish for, like me.. cherishing the opportunity to be here on stage giving my speech, whatever the outcome, it will be a very wonderful learning experience for me.
actually i kinda forget.. but haha i spoke this.. which was the focal point of my speech.. enabling me to win my best friend Leroy back, after i lost him over a quarrel in sec 2.
'There was once a time, in a certain stage of my life, when I had a best friend. He was a really good friend of mine, but however, being childish back then, all i did was to go around and boast that i had a silly little best friend. now too late he's gone, he wouldnt come back. and poor me standing on stage here regrets for the actions done. nothing can be salvaged, why do people cherish things only after they are out of reach?'
most regretably, my behaviour and attitude back then.. the kuniang-ness.. i have changed, and yet people are still saying.. zz
ha. 10.21 liao.. i took almost 30 mins to blog this -.-"
today sch really sucked.. i miss Wen terribly la.. for lunch, i bought alot of chocolates.. but i couldnt make myself happy still.. ate the chocolates till almost sore throat.
9:53 PM...i'm thinkin' of you
I knew Fate wouldn't appear like this.
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~Mervyn~
25/05/89
firerain2o01@hotmail.com
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I wish things will go my way..
I wish for a better tomorrow!
I wish for peace.