Sunday, July 02, 2006
Actually today, i thought it over. The biggest fault in my life, is that i have a belief. I believe that, whatever i do now, i will be able to make up for it in the future. This is also a common belief among my peers.
Scenario 1 : I sleep in class, believing that I will study hard when its nearing examinations. I end up playing as well, claiming that I'm used to it.
Scenario 2 : I spend all my allowance today, thinking that in future I can save, when my mother asks where my money has gone to. I do have a hefty bit of allowance daily. Do not ask me how much, even if you know, hush hush =x
Scenario 3 : in love, I always believe I have something more important to attend to. for Eg. I believed, and OF COURSE ITS DARN TRUE, that my O lvls are more impt than Wen. i believe if she was willing to wait till end of my 'O's, my whole life will be dedicated to her.
I was still convincing myself, earlier in the day, that it is totally my fault for what happened between she and i.
Ok anyway, I have aspired to be someone successful, to show her she was wrong in dumping me. =x come to think of it, it will be really childish to place my success just because i wanna show her that. I believe i still will be someone successful, but not for her.. I worked so hard for her back then, because she already quitted school. my friends, her friends.. they all agree too : she has no future. let her hubby take care of her bah. her hubby can write poems wor =x
i cant? Lost Love was written by me. I suddenly got an urge to post another one, which i wrote for a dear friend, who had a quarrel with me. the english abit wrong, but i wrote it in sec 3. probably will edit it :
Since you say you want to leave,
I can do nothing but cry and grief..
Thinking back how hurt I was,
Losing you is my greatest loss..
You were like the sun which beamed..
You are now the storm, it seems..
If my sincere apology will do,
I will try and listen to you..
I know I have angered you too much,
Now you departed, how can you bear to leave me in the lurch?
When you advised me caringly,
I never took it seriously.
You used to nag at me for very long,
Now you don't bother even when I'm wrong.
Great friend, cheerful, you've always been,
I made the glow of hope turn dim.
It is my fault you left me..
I wish you happy, cheerful and carefree..
me figure its better than what.. pumpi-pipi-pikin-pumpkin.. and blahblah =x
ok. end of that.. hmm.. wanted to study today.. end up went TPY.. no SG code. ate sundae at macs. strawberry.. that girl gave me alot of strawberries. =/
went back to J8.. had dinner.. sundaes again.. walked to Roy's house, needed him to teach maths, god.. i learnt loads. anyway on my way there, I smsed someone special.. smsed till.. i think she fell asleep.. that was when i was doing maths at Roy's, and did not reply her for 50 mins. i almost did not finish my sundae because i was talking to her.. sundae leh!! Macs sundae.. my recent hot favourite.
i dunno.. maybe i like her? i really got a good impression of her. i dun dare fall in love ><
maybe i just wanna fall for someone fast.. and this girl is most likely the one. i mentioned her in my blog.. around Nov =x
erh back to the story abt Wen. i think if got next life.. she and i really destined to be together. because from what i calculated via feng shui thingy, she and i were a perfect match. i pray that this life she and i wont continue anything.. and since she and me so destined.. next life lor. im not those kind who totally dun wan any relationships with each other just cause of a period of quarrels. i already expected how far she and her current will go, and they did. LOL. too much psychological studies no good. but well. psychological studies = i definitely believe that all normal people are the same, they wont lie. if not i study psychology for fk? those people who thinks im a liar. pls understand that fact. im getting over Wen. i dun deny im still sad. but abit only.. control 10 days dun read her blog.. sure forget her le =) has been 3-4 days le~
oh btw.. last week Georgina told me this : I am someone who loves my stead very much, not the person with me. it means.. if i get another stead, even 2-3 days after a break-up.. give me time, longer time for more serious cases of course, and i definitely will love my stead. thats what she said la. she's trying to say im not that faithful. what is faith? can eat ar? i had such strong faith in her that i disappointed myself time and time again. in a relationship, a breakup is through the mistakes of BOTH parties. means both sides have faults.
JunHao also told me, this year, nothing is more important than my 'O's. JH even though i know u sure wont read my blog, even though i dun like the dao change in u. i appreciate and i know u still care for me, afterall we have been bosom friends. (half an hr to blog this whole thing xD.. i will forget Wenny~)
and oh... the song i wrote for Wenn.. i think.. i change the person im writing for better. Zazy was telling me, do not associate myself with people like Wen. she even suggested i change the lyrics.. tune hard to get mah.. and my tune is really nice. i think.. starting and ending part(originally meant to be my story with her as starting, and my regrets for the ending) i'll change bah.
as long as she is happy with who she is in this life.. i believe, she does not need a successful person. i wanted to be successful and win her back. but i think.. even if she's with a successful man, but there's no love.. she wont be happy either. i hope she will be with the one she loves.. =)
1:22 PM...i'm thinkin' of you
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